The Spanish Channel(s)

I need to learn Spanish. I would say re-learn Spanish since I took three years of it in high school, but upon doing so poorly on my college language entrance exam they told me pick a new language, I am now convinced I never knew Spanish to begin with. Anywho, I need to learn Spanish. Out of the few cable channels I get (coming out to like $5 a channel...frickin' Comcast), about half of them are Spanish, and they look WAY cooler than the channels I can understand. They have awesome costumes, crazy drama, tears, bitch-slapping, bright colors, flamenco dancing, huge breasts, cod pieces, and "Me and Julio Down in the School Yard" playing in the background. English-speaking shows have drab colors and no dancing except in a reality TV way, which doesn't count as TV regardless of the language. Obviously I need to make a good latina friend so I can get a brightly colored bridesmaid dress. Maybe something with ruffles. That's great for latino dancing, which my good latina friend will teach me. Sorry, I digress, shocking.

Honestly, American TV just really can't compete with this genus. Three of the four men in this picture aren't wearing shirts, and there is only one women that they use twice; and you know she's going to get ravaged by at least one of the shirtless men. "Oh Felipe, I want you to ravish me in the apple orchard among the young ripe fruit of the trees."

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Man, they have pirates - I can't even begin to express my envy. Why the hell don't we have TV shows about pirates? So not fair.




And they have a lot of soccer...or football (or futbol with a little accent thingy) as the locals call it. And I do love me some Pele.


Actually, I wonder if learning Spanish will take away from the magic of watching Univision and making up my own dialog....