Saturday, August 2, 2008

Holy Irish Drunkeness Batman!

So, I'm sitting in a bar at 4:20pm (tehehe) and have been here for a few hours. Hey, they have free wifi, don't judge! But after getting rained in and being forced to order another drink, things are finally starting to get good. There's a drunk (or, slightly arguably not drunk) guy on the other side of the bar from me talking loudly enough for me to hear everything as I sit and listen to him in my back corner. This is alluvial fantastic!! So far, here is what I've learned:

Colorado has more solar panels than anywhere else because we're closer to the sun. And as my friend says "Yes, that's why the Himalayas are covered with solar panels."

You have to be careful hiking in Colorado with kids because of Mountain Lions. Its like Baltimore with car-jackers.

He has no self control when it come to whiskey and large women.

We're in an energy crisis. We need to find alternate means of energy, or more viable nukes. The French, however, can have a 35 hour work week because they have good energy. Does that mean that they harness their chi?

Nuns beat you when you don't finish your Shepard's pie.

Not getting laid makes you look like a wiener.

He's living in a hotel.

He doesn't know what a bike lane is - apparently he was driving in it and didn't understand what the picture of the biker meant...

He watches TV like a jackass.

Guinness and Murphy's are both Irish beers, but Murphy's is brewed by protestants.

And now a group of stupid chits have moved to table between me and the whiskey guy. I'm getting stupider listening to these dumb broads...

Sweet, the chicks have left and I am free to lean new pearls of wisdom to help get me through the trials and tribulations of life. And then pass them on to you...

If you want to learn about the sea, read Moby Dick. Herman Melville. The Whale ship was his Harvard and his Yale.

There was some poetry about two girls from Sturgis…. Unfortunately I didn’t catch it all.

As a young man he learned (1) Never trust a woman as a sailor and (2) Death is closer than you think. Its not a story…it’s a memoir…a metallic Great White…

I'm sorry to have to inform you, but this guy has procreated. The future of humanity is lost. Give up now.

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