Monday, August 25, 2008

When Squirrels Attack

There I was, walking out of my condo complex minding my own business. I had put in my earphones for my journey to campus and was engrossed in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Chapter 16 - In the Hog's Head (wistful sigh). When all of a sudden...THUD! (Unfortunately it wasn't a splat.) Out of no where a squirrel fell right in front of me, bushing my left shoulder and foot and causing me to veer off my path or really make it go splat. Scared the bejeezers out of me and may have caused me to shriek like a little girl - when I looked over at the intersection next to me, there were definitely drivers looking at me. But I don't care, I think I was justified. Its not every day that a squirrel falls off a tree and hits you as your walking towards the bus. In fact, I think this puts me up there with the animal bombarded elite. I had a friend in college who was walking out of the dorms one day when a pigeon died in a tree, fell, and hit her. I was quite jealous of her good luck, for I had never been more than shit on by a bird. But now...I've made the big time!

Now being attacked by an uncoordinated squirrel made me think. How can we use this to our advantage? I immediately thought of the scene in Ernest Goes to Camp where Ernest and the campers try to save Kamp Kikakee from land developers. One of the offensive moves they use is catapulting turtle paratroopers on the work crew (check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fw_8j3MwfZo for awesome footage). I suggest a similar technique for the Middle East - catapulting rabid squirrels without parachutes. Who knows what would happen...maybe they'd even become invasive species...

4 comments:

Mel said...

I was at GSA in Denver, walking to the conference when I saw a squirrel fall from a tall tree. I know they are just rats with fuzzy tails, but hearing the loud crack as it landed on the pavement was really sad. Hopefully your squirrel did not meet the same fate.

ReBecca Foster said...

I love that movie. Brilliant idea!

Laura said...

Thanks guys, I appreciate your blog patronage!

Mel, despite the fact that I spent much of my childhood shooting squirrels off the bird feeders with a BB gun (from Georgia, much?), I did feel a bit bad for the little guy, he was so pathetic-looking. Though he did move out of my way rather quickly for just getting body-slammed on pavement...

Cordelia said...

You truly are one of the elite, Laura. Such a prestigious honor, lol!